I finally said...My mother is going to Kill me.  Then I thought about how hard my agent, Steve Elzey had been working finding me the right horses to ride. Then all the nice horses I had just worked that I wanted to ride, how long will I be able to hide this pregnancy without anyone finding out and how long would I be able to ride with the nausea.  So many thoughts going thru my mind at once.  What stress.  I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I was just so stunned.  Why Why Why NOW???  I just kept praying to GOD.  Im scared and I don't know what to do.  Please help me.  I had to pull myself together because I had to go to work this morning.  The nausea was just awful.  I was sick to my stomach on top of that.  In my mind I knew this was a Blessing, but it just felt terrible at the time or should I say for the next 3 weeks.  I only told three of my closest friends because I needed to tell someone and I needed positive words and thoughts put in my mind.  Irwin didn't tell anyone.  He knew that if word got out I would lose business.  So for the next 3 weeks I had to put on a brave face and hide how awful I felt from the nausea and the depression that had set in.  I cried almost 2 or 3 times a day.  I love my career, the horses and the people I work with.  I felt like I was letting everyone down including my fans.  I felt ashamed and embarrassed.  Irwin gave me so much support and love thru it all.  I couldn't of got thru it without him.  For about two weeks of forcing myself to go to work when I just wanted to stay in bed and cry all day and from being so sick I finally decided I can't do this to myself or my baby.  I am 38 years old.  This may be my only chance to have a baby and start a family of my own.  I've been riding for almost 19 years, when did I think it was ever going to be the right time? (I don't think I ever was going to think it was going to be the right time.)  So one morning my mind and body finally had enough.  I had 4 horses scheduled to work.  I would work these four and would make my decision to either race today or just stop.  I wanted to see how I would feel. (even though I felt the same everyday for 2 weeks, AWFUL!)  Every horse I got on to work, I put my goggles down and cried walking to and from the track.  I just didn't have the strength and focus anymore to keep racing.  I knew I wasn't being fair to myself, my baby, the owners and trainers that I rode for or my fans who watched me loyally.  It was time to really toughen up and make the right decision no matter how hard it was.  I cried all the way home.  Irwin was there to support me in my decision.  He just let me cry and talk my way thru it.  He never said a word.  I remember thinking of a few female riders that I felt went thru the same thing when they got pregnant.  All I kept saying to Irwin, I need to call Rachal LaVoy(No answer) and then I thought to call Inez Karlson(I let the phone ring twice and hung up.)  I was crying so hard at this point I couldn't think straight.  Irwin finally spoke and said why don't you just take off riding today and get yourself together.  See how you feel later.  If you feel you want to stop then you can decide tomorrow.  And thats what I did.  I finally called my agent Steve and told him that I was pregnant.  To my amazement Steve immediately said Congratulations! (The most important person in Steve's life is his son.  He is the most amazing father)  He said he would call the trainers and get them riders to fill in for me today and to call him later to let him know what my plans were going to be for the rest of the week.  How much longer was I going to be able to ride?  I said thank you for understanding and I would call him later.  I called the Clerk of Scales to tell them that I was sick and I wasn't able to ride today.  Once I made that decision I felt a big weight come off my shoulders.

I cried and slept all day.  I only got up to get something to drink or go to the bathroom.  My body was so exhausted.  But the stress was still there because...(check back tomorrow to get more of my story.)